Staying Calm in the Middle of the Storm

By Suzanne E. Grandchamp

One of the best ways in which I know how to get or stay calm is to meditate.

Meditation, as defined by the Encarta Dictionary attached to my word processing program, is “the emptying of the mind of thoughts, or concentration of the mind on just one thing, in order to aid mental or spiritual development, contemplation or relaxation.”

The documented benefits of meditation are manifold, and include relaxation, enhanced creativity and brain synchrony.

In our day to day lives, we operate in the most active brain wave pattern, which is beta.[1] This is the predominant pattern of waking consciousness. When we spend a lot of time in beta, we tend to feel anxious and restless.[2] Meditation provides for relief from beta by actually changing our brain waves.

When we meditate, our predominant brain wave patterns enter alpha and theta rhythms. Alpha is a deeper, relaxed state experienced by most meditators.[3] Theta is the pattern of dreaming sleep, and is associated with heightened levels of creativity, memory function and learning.[4] This state can be experienced by long-term, experienced meditators.[5]

The practice of meditation also facilitates “brain synchrony”. Brain synchrony refers to the rebalancing of the right and left hemispheres of the brain.[6] What does this have to do with divorce?

When life gets crazy and out of balance, as it does for most people do in the midst of divorce, it is likely that your brain is not only making a lot of beta waves, but that one side (or hemisphere) of your brain is working harder than the other.[7] This imbalance in brain function seems to exacerbate or compound the agitation and restlessness associated with functioning predominately in beta.

Research has shown that meditation helps to rebalance the hemispheres of the brain.[8] Agitation and restless ebb, as the brain becomes more resilient and capable of handling greater stresses.[9]

You do not have to be a yogi to know how to meditate. It is easy. One of the simplest and most effective meditations I know is “Samavrtti.” The word “Samavrtti” means “same” and refers to counting your breaths and making your inhale, retention, exhale, and suspension all equal.[10] For example, you might inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, exhale for four seconds and refrain from inhaling for four seconds. All the while, you are focusing exclusively on your breath, and counting the seconds for each of the four parts.

You can do as many cycles of Samavrtti as you like. You might do two or three to regain your composure before you respond to your spouse during a phone call. You might do twenty minutes worth if you need to “decompress” after a four-way meeting between you, your spouse and your respective attorneys. Further, this meditation can be done anywhere. You do not need a yoga mat or the ability to maintain some complex pose only a gymnast could hold! You can sit, stand or lay down. You can have your eyes open or closed. You can listen to music or not. Do what ever is most comfortable for you – and keep yourself calm in the middle of any storm.

[1] The Unmistakable Touch of Grace, Cheryl Richardson, Free Press, 2005, page 177. See also, Centerpointe Research Institute (www.centerpointe.com).
[2] Id.
[3] Id.
[4] Id. at 178.
[5] Id. at 178.
[6] Id. at 179.
[7] Id. at 179.
[8] Id. at 179.
[9] Id. at 180.
[10] The Power of Infinite Love & Gratitude, Dr. Darren R. Weissman, Hay House, Inc., 2005, page 191.